You speak English normally

An English dialogue between an English woman and a Russian tourist.


May 1987. An elderly Englishwoman is selling souvenirs. A Russian tourist gives her a Russian badge, which she attaches to her dress.

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R. t.: This badge with the Kremlin looks beautiful on you.
E. E. (blushing with pleasure): You know what I like about you?
R. t.: What?
E. E.: The way you speak English. You speak English normally, the way we all do. All other foreigners who were here before, they spoke English with a twang.
R. t.: Nasalization?
E. E.: Yes, with a twang.
R. t.: Americans?
E. E.: Yes. I don’t like the way they speak English. (After a slight pause, blushing.) Will you come to tea with me?
R. t. (looks at his watch): Thank you very much indeed. I have always wanted to visit an English home and have tea with an English lady. But, alas, our coach is leaving in twenty minutes. Perhaps, some other time when I am in your hospitable town I’ll avail myself of your kind invitation.
E. E.: But how will you find me? I haven’t given you my address.
R. t.: Oh, that’s easy. I’ll come to this cathedral and ask, “Where is that beautiful lady who sells souvenirs here?”
E. E. (blushing): And you will do quite right. Everybody knows me here. They will show you the way. Take care!